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Tuesday, June 15th, 2004

Time:10:23 pm.
this is the last entry this journal will breathe. i'm sad to see it go. it's going to be replaced. i guess we all need to reinvent ourselves sometime. i refused to let go. until now. i can't hold on to the things that don't hold back. this is it. i never thought i'd live to see this day. this is the end. i could only wish this was a happy ending to a wonderful fairy tale. i could only wish. my life has been mostly an open book. a few pages were lost but the rest remains as one. this book has been shut.

the end.
4 bullet shells | take your best shot.

Saturday, June 12th, 2004

Time:3:29 pm.
i just saw the scariest thing ever.

a huge swarm of bees. i mean, gigantic. all over the yard. incredible.

but absolutely scary.
7 bullet shells | take your best shot.

Friday, June 11th, 2004

Time:7:32 pm.
it hurts to pee.

i'm extremely bored. there is absolutely nothing to do. i guess i shouldn't complain though. i got to hang out with two super cool cats today.

it's funny to read what people think about me. quite interesting. *shrugs*

i don't have a whole lot to say. at least not on here.
6 bullet shells | take your best shot.

Time:7:00 am.


3 bullet shells | take your best shot.

Thursday, June 10th, 2004

Time:7:53 pm.
i'm slowly doing away with this journal, if you haven't noticed. i don't want to. it makes me very sad to see it dissipating like it is. but i don't know what else to do. it's just. i'm tired of having to deal with it. it's getting to me. but whatever.

school sucks. i loathe going. missed a driving class today cause i would have had to stand for three hours. hung out with christen for a brief period of time though. so it was nice.

i really wish i had more cd's than i do at the moment. then again. who doesn't wish that?

this keyboard is pissing me off.

besides. it's not like i do interesting things or have interesting thoughts. so. yeah. i don't know how to save you. this hasn't happened. maybe it's just because i'm busy. but then again. i've had time to update your alter ego. so what's with this? hum. *thinks real hard*

i got nothin'.
6 bullet shells | take your best shot.

Time:6:59 am.
sorry i've been neglecting you. i've been off in my own little world lately. it's nice though, to escape. to be nostalgic & remember past lives. maybe i'm just crazy, but then again, i really don't give a damn.

i guess i do need to make up my mind though. i can never seem to do that. ha. if you really look at it. my mind is already made up. it's just telling the person that, that's the hard part. but i'll get around to it. i usually do.

i've been having wonderful days. i'm not quite sure what makes them so great. but nonetheless, it's nice. i'm finally able to kick back & do all those things you could only wish to do.
3 bullet shells | take your best shot.

Tuesday, June 8th, 2004

Time:10:18 pm.
here you go.

shit. i haven't updated in a while. ridiculous.

anyway. the past few days have been nice. i think. exams are alright. nothing too huge. i'm kinda sad mrs. reynolds is leaving. she's a wonderful person. we had a hour & half discussion about everything. mostly politics. it was wonderful.

spent the entire day at shane's today. went swimming. nothing too important happened. no one got any drugs of any kind. oh well.

some weird shit has happened. i'd rather not talk about it here.

wow. my life is so not exciting.

horray for that.

awe. lauren is going to be gone tomorrow. *sad face*
4 bullet shells | take your best shot.

Saturday, June 5th, 2004

Time:12:55 pm.
graduation was awesome. shorter than i expected. absoutly wonderful. i got pictures of most people that i love. missed a few. but that's my camera's fault.

everyone looked wonderful.
time to par-tay.
4 bullet shells | take your best shot.

Time:7:30 am.
up way to early.

congradulations to all those seniors. i'll be seeing you today.

now. off to graduation.
take your best shot.

Friday, June 4th, 2004

Time:8:11 pm.
i'm exausted. i swear. i'm going to collapse.

i really hate all of this family stuff. it's sad. i guess i should appericiate my family more. but i don't. & i'm not sure that i ever will. i just don't know.

i'm going to go to sleep.
take your best shot.

Time:5:53 pm.
exams. who cares? i think i totally beasted my math exam. bitches. i think i did really well, except for one i couldn't figure out, because i suck at figuring out riddle/pretend math problems. either way. i'm glad it's good an over with.

then art. i matted jamsey's painting. mr. ross wants me to put it in a showing in the fall. i don't know about that. whatever. then i gave sam a hug. i'm really going to miss him. he's such a wonderful uplifting kid. awe.

biology. easy. no one cares about biology. okay, well, i know i don't. i finished in the first twenty minutes. then for the last hour i played egyptian rat screw. what a fucking awesome game. i was taught once by kim & lil ashley. then i just forgot. but then they taught me again. i love that game.

after the exams me & chuck hung out. we came to my house & dropped my stuff off. then we went to w.d. grinders. first time ever. it was okay. not the greatest thing. but it was good food. then we went to drew's house. hahha. we pulled up & drew stuck his head out the window & was like 'fuck you, you scared the shit out of me.' then me & chuck visited mathieu. then we went & broke into drew's house. watched tv until him & christa finished. she left. we hung out. he mowed the lawn. mathieu came over. ect. drew took a shower. we stood outside the room until he came out. hilarious. then me & chuck took drew to work.

me & chuck sat outside in the car for almost an hour just talking. what a wonderful kid.

then we went inside eagle. i had to pee. then i found chuck & drew. drew was asking me these retarded survey questions. i coudln't stop laughing. drew swore i was stoned. it was hilarious.

then me & chuck left. sang all the way to my house.
now i'm here. waiting for the relatives to arrive.

the end.
1 bullet shell | take your best shot.

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2004

Time:5:58 pm.
i'm not sure i've ever felt so sick in my entire life.
it's nice to know he forgot about me so quickly. it's nice to know that i really didn't matter all that much to him. it's nice to know the truth.

the only part left on the oberst painting is the backround. which i will finish tomarrow. how wonderful. oh. so the worst thing ever happened while i was painting. i was pouring blue paint into my tray to mix. the entire lid came off & spilt all over the picture i was painting from. i managed to get most of the blue off. so. ugh. just whatever.

today wasn't a good day at all. i'm not sure the next week or so will be. tragic. isn't it?

yeah. grow up.


so last night i came home from driving class then passed out. not only am i physically tired. i'm tired on the inside. i can't get over this. this is killing me. i'm glad he's fine.
10 bullet shells | take your best shot.

Tuesday, June 1st, 2004

Time:12:15 am.
interesting day.
still upset.
shrek 2 is hilarious.
i'm still waiting for a damned ant to come around so i can take a picture.
ecology project.
wickedly tired.
confrontation is something i absoutly hate.

i'm sick & fucking tired of all of this.
16 bullet shells | take your best shot.

Monday, May 31st, 2004

Time:9:14 am.
so i just called my mom. they're all going to the jefferson city outlets. i'm so mad. cause i was supposed to go shopping with my aunt. thanks a lot for leaving me out. like i don't get left out enough.

ugh. now i'm in a bad mood. than again, it's nine fifteen. why wouldn't i be in a bad mood?

i think i should just go back to sleep.
3 bullet shells | take your best shot.

Sunday, May 30th, 2004

Time:9:21 pm.
horray. i finished my self portrait. i'm quite proud. except for the fact that it looks nothing like me.

my mom actually likes my new plugs. i was surprised.

i guess i'm going shopping tomorrow with my aunt. i don't mind. it's just, who's money am i going to spend? cause i sure as hell don't have any.

*shrugs* i called the bead shop. hopefully i'll be able to work there when it opens. i'd looove working there.
3 bullet shells | take your best shot.

Time:7:16 pm.
i feel sick to my fucking stomach.

my aunt julie & grandma just showed up. i'm not in the mood for relatives. but holy crap. this next week or so is going to be crazy full of them. ugh. what a drag.

ugh. i want to go to shane's house tomorrow. but i have to study with drew. then i have to work with matt on the ecology project. i really don't want to. i don't want to do either. i just want a pack of cigarettes & shane & mike & lauren. then i'd be good. i don't like being around a lot of people. it makes me really nervous. then again. i'm always really nervous. so, whatever.

why am i still upset about this? maybe once i do stuff tomorrow i won't be so upset. right now, i'm just really tired. i want to see someone. but i know i can't. i can't wait for summer. i'll probably be at shane's house all the time.

time to go.
2 bullet shells | take your best shot.

Time:10:01 am.
mourning, love.

i'm worried about a lot of things right now. but i know that's not going to get me too far in life. i really don't care. we all worry. it's no big deal... or is it? ha. anyway. today my grandma will arrive with my aunt julie. i'm currently cleaning my room & trying to get a hold of matt so he can come over & we can take pictures. damned ecology project.

i've compiled a list of contacts that i need to make within the next week for the counter convention fest. i need to get a hold of will too. i'm really going to get into this. i hope this turns out well.

i'm really tired. i haven't been getting enough sleep lately. i just can't seem to stay asleep. it's really pissing me off. because when i wake up i'm groggy but i wake up anyway. & i'm a wake for the whole day. it's like i'm running twenty out of twenty four hours of the day. & i'm on over drive. what the fuck is this. oh. i have driving class tuesday. i think i should work ahead in my book since my dad knows all the stuff. he can teach me. woo. father/daughter bonding expierence. cars. figures.

alright. i'm going to go finish cleaning.
2 bullet shells | take your best shot.

Saturday, May 29th, 2004

Time:11:31 pm.
so. today started early with going downtown to get my hair cut at eight in the morning. i drove. my first time on the highway. horray for driving!

then i got home & me & lauren & shane all met up at easton & we saw meangirls. it was cute. we hung around easton for a while. i got plugs that match my every outfit. they are white with black stripes. oh yeah. i like them very much. anyway we hung around easton until five. dropped lauren off at work then me & shane waited for mike & we went to barnes & nobles. i found a few books i want for my personal library. then we went to panera. & waited for mike.

mike picked us up. i met antwan. *sp really bad* but yeah. he's really really nice. so me, ben, mike, him, & shane went to shane's house. they smoked about three bowls. then robbie & shane played halo while i fumbled around. i love robbie. anyway. we all hung out there for a while. then jess picked me up & rove me to zach's.

there i watched kayle play ninja gaiden. then i played. first time ever. it was really bad ass. it was awesome. but then we sat around the hot tub for a while. me, beth, & kayle dangled our feet in. kayle circumnavigated the tub. it was amusing.

then finally, at ten thirty, we played halo. i didn't do too bad. but then again, i never play halo to win. i play because it's fun. but yeah. that was my day. it was very very busy.

tomorrow my grandma & aunt are going to be here. i have to do so much stuff tomorrow. i need to call matt. if he can't come over. then i dont' know what's going to happen. then monday, i don't really know what's going on.

wow. i love being busy. sortof. i like being busy with fun stuff. not stuff like homework. i'm excited for summer.
3 bullet shells | take your best shot.

Friday, May 28th, 2004

Time:11:35 pm.
that was exactly what i needed.
what a wonderful night.

so. i go to shane's after toutring. we sat around & waited for mike to get back with alochol. he finally showed up, in a bad mood nonetheless. so. for the first time in just about, forever. i packed a bowl. i'm wonderful at that. but anyway. i packed it for mike. i, for one, did not smoke. or drink. they were all very confused & amazed with my being sober. but it was fun to fuck with everyone. so i hung around there expecting to stay till eleven.


nate calls. he tells me that he & patrick are going to his house to play halo, & he asks me to join him. i absoutley freak out. pat. holy crap. i flipped out. ran around the house to give everyone hugs & goodbyes. so. i run outside to wait for them. the whole time i'm bouncing up & down & shaking. i was that excited. i couldn't believe i was going to get to see pat. i fucking love pat. i've missed him so much. anyway. they pick me up. i glance at pat & just fucking grin. i can't help but smile.

so we go to nate's house & play halo. through that two hours, i remember why i love pat so much. he's so fun to be around. i've missed him so much. i really hope during summer we can hang out. even though i'm still a little kid. man. i really missed seeing him. him & his antics. i just want to remember tonight for the longest time possible.

tonight is exactly what i needed.
my weekend is going to busy as fuck.

i'm still bouncing. that's what seeing pat does to me. he makes me the happiest kid on eart. & for no particular reason. just because he is simply, pat.

& i'd really missed hanging out with nate. the last time i hung out with him was with jesse. i don't think he's comfortable around just me. *shrugs* but anyway. i miss seeing him at zach's. i miss being around him in general. he's a wonderful kid.

just like tonight. a wonderful night.

thanks everyone who made it as great as it was.
5 bullet shells | take your best shot.

Thursday, May 27th, 2004

Time:8:02 pm.
i officially want to die.

i can only pray he's doing this for himself. not for me. cause if he's doing it for me, he's doing it for the wrong reasons.

i'm so glad he wants help. i just want him to want it for the right reasons.

i'm not sure what to do with myself right now.
4 bullet shells | take your best shot.

LiveJournal for hopeful.

View:User Info.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.